


If You're Under Him [You Ain't Getting Over Him] - Part III

by givemesumaurgravy



Series: If You're Under Him [You Ain't Getting Over Him] [3]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Barista!Even, Bipolar Disorder, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Isak, Crying, Dirty Talk, Discussion of mental illness, Emotional Istability, F/M, Fingering, Flirting, Hand Job, M/M, Married!Isak, Texting, Top!Even, daily updates, doctor!Isak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-12-30 08:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12104736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemesumaurgravy/pseuds/givemesumaurgravy
Summary: Isak Valtersen is happy. He's finally starting his surgical rotation at the hospital where he hopes to work someday and he's happily married to his best friend.But then Isak meets Even, the intriguing new barista where he gets his daily coffee.And that's when shit really starts to hit the fan.An affair AU with daily updates in the form of scenes and text.





	1. Lørdag // 16. september // 7.38

**Author's Note:**

> here we go with Part III!
> 
> (fyi the first few updates are less exciting, but then things get reeeeeally interesting as the week goes on ;) just sayin')

**Lørdag // 16. september // 7.38**

 

Isak knows this is dangerous, one little slip up and they’re both royally fucked. But at the same time it’s just so fucking _thrilling._

Isak’s at the KB sitting at a table in full view of Even and he’s sitting so they can make periodic eye contact and discreetly eye fuck each other. Isak knows he’s playing with fire, but he just can’t help it.

It’s pretty busy, and Isak can only stay for a little bit longer before his shift starts, but he soaks up every second of getting to be in the same place as Even. 

When a short lull hits, Even takes the opportunity to do a nonchalant sweep of the store, bussing a few tables. As he passes Isak, though, he drops a napkin instead of offering to clean up.

Isak eyes Even as he walks away, and Even turns and flicks his eyebrows up once before turning back around and cleaning up another table. Isak picks up the neatly folded napkin and unfolds it carefully, excitement thrumming through his veins. 

_Now that we’ve talked, how about I take you out on a date?_

Underneath is a little sketch of two people, clearly Isak and Even, sitting at a table with candle light and flowers. There are even little hearts drawn floating around them. 

Isak grins, teeth biting into his bottom lip. Isak reaches into his breast pocket for one of the pens clipped there and clicks it before scrawling two words on the napkin. Isak leaves the napkin folded on the table and makes eye contact with Even before he leaves, gesturing with his head to the napkin.

_You’re on._


	2. Søndag // 17. september // 17.48

**Søndag // 17. september // 17.48**

**(1) New Voicemail:**

_Hello, Dr. Valtersen this is Anja from Dr. Hansen’s office. If you could call us back when you get a chance, we have your test results from the 8th of September. Thank you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooo predictions on what that could possibly be about? :)


	3. Mandag // 18. september // 13.20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 of 2 updates for Monday :)

**Mandag // 18. september // 13.20**

 

How is it possible that after receiving the best news, Isak can still feel so shitty?

Today Isak found out that he’s been picked to do his first solo surgery, which is a huge deal. The only other intern to get a solo surgery so far is Sana, though that’s not at all surprising. 

The shitty part is everything has been so tense at home and Isak can’t really enjoy this great opportunity when he feels like he’s walking on eggshells in his own house. 

It’s also shitty because he feels incredibly guilty because the first person he wants to tell his good news to is Even, not Nina.

Isak decides that maybe just seeing Even will make him feel better, so after he finishes his morning rounds, Isak heads down to the KB, trying not to look too excited when he gets there and joins the line behind five other people.

When Isak finally gets up to the counter, Even grins brightly, writing Isak’s order on his cup. Isak wants to say something cute in greeting, but instead he just blurts out, _“Igotmyfirstsolo.”_

“What?” Even says, playful laughter in his voice.

“I got my first solo,” Isak says, slowly this time. “Surgery.”

Something about Even that Isak didn’t know before but instantly loves is that Even is the best person to tell exciting new to. Even’s entire face lights up and he looks like he wants to jump over the counter and pick Isak up to spin him around in circles. 

“That’s so wonderful, Isak,” Even beams and Isak can’t help but blush.

“I’m really happy,” Isak says, but recognizes that he needs to move along so he doesn’t hold up the line any more than he already has. 

Isak gets out his wallet, but Even waves him off. “This one’s on the house.”

Isak smiles, blushing again, and then slinks off to the end of the counter to wait on his drink. Isak watches Even as he waits on the next two customers, but then he switches with one of the other baristas and starts making drinks. 

Even hands Isak his drink a few moments later, sliding it across the counter and leaning forward to whisper, “I’m going on break. Sit with me?”

Isak smiles and nods. Even shoots him a wink and then turns to hang up his apron and round the counter. Isak snags a table and waits for Even to join him, which he does, twenty seconds later. 

“I’m really proud of you,” Even says as soon as he sits down.

“Thank you,” Isak says. “Is it bad that I’m really proud of me, too?”

“Not at all,” Even says. 

They share soft looks as they fall into a comfortable silence. At least, it was until Isak feels Even’s foot brush up his shin. 

Even looks around the small cafe before leaning in and whispering to Isak, “Come over later and we can celebrate?” 

Isak blushes at Even’s words and the mischievous look on his face, though the immediate guilt that comes with it washes over him. “Ev, I can’t… I can’t be with you like that until I’m… until I’ve ended it with… with her.”

Isak looks around hastily to make sure no one’s overheard him. He hadn’t really thought about actually ending his marriage before the words came flying out of his mouth, but… there it is. 

“Okay,” Even says and reaches across to lightly brush his fingers against the inside of Isak’s wrist to get his attention. “I understand.”

“Right. So… I’m going to get back to work,” Isak says awkwardly, but still smiling warmly at Even when Even smiles at him. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“Hey, it’s not everyday you get life changing news,” Even says. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” Isak says, standing and giving Even a wave before heading out of the cafe.


	4. Mandag // 18. september // 15.15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 2 of 2!

**Mandag // 18. september // 15.15**

 

**Sanasol**

**Sana Bakkoush** (15.15)

_Congrats on your first solo, best bud. Finally catching up to the big leagues :)_


	5. Tirsdag // 19. september // 23.17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is BIG. ;)

**Tirsdag // 19. september // 23.17**

 

“Why are you so mad?” Isak asks. “I’ve only been home for a minute and you’re already yelling!”

“Maybe because I’m sick of being the only person who puts in any effort!” Nina yells, throwing her hands in the air. 

Isak tries not to scoff, but he knows his thoughts are clear on his face. Nina glares at him, holding her ground.

“Did you get a chance to call Dr. Hansen’s office back?” Nina asks, hands on her hips now.

Oh.

“Um, no,” Isak says, sheepish.

“Yeah, well. You probably should have,” Nina says. “Then you would also know that we can’t have kids, at least, not the normal way.”

“What?” Isak says, heart dropping to his stomach. “Are you… are you serious?”

Nina laughs darkly. “Do you seriously think I would say that just to spite you? Honestly, Isak.”

“Okay, well… we can still adopt, yeah? Or foster…” Isak says, not really sure how to take all of this.

“I don’t know right now Isak. I don’t really want to be in this alone and I feel like I constantly am. I’m honestly afraid to ask this, but… do you even want to have kids?” Nina asks, voice tired.

Isak pauses, and he knows even though he was fucked before, he’s even more royally fucked now. “I… I do. Nina, you know I do.”

“That… that pause was all I needed to hear,” Nina says, waving a finger at Isak. “Please don’t come to bed tonight.”

With that, Nina walks into the bathroom and locks the door. Isak sighs, pressing his fingers into his eyes until he sees spots. 

After a moment, Isak resigns himself to grabbing his pillow and a blanket from the closet and goes to make himself a bed on the couch in the living room. Isak tries not to think about how this is the first night he and Nina have actively spent apart in four years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :o


	6. Onsdag // 20. september // 6.55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 of 2 updates for Wednesday

**Onsdag // 20. september // 6.55**

**Nins <3 **

**Nina Valtersen** (6.55)

_I’m going to my parents for a few days this weekend._

_I think it’s for the best._

 

**Isak Valtersen** (6.56)

_I do, too._

_Hopefully it will help us each figure out what we want._

 

**Nina Valtersen** (6.58)

_I love you._

 

**Isak Valtersen** (6.58)

_You, too._


	7. Onsdag // 20. september // 7.12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 of 2 for Wednesday!!

**Onsdag // 20. september // 7.12**

 

**Even Kaffebrenneriet**

**Isak Valtersen** (7.12)

_I’ve been thinking._

 

**Even Kaffebrenneriet** (7.12)

_This can’t be good._

 

**Isak Valtersen** (7.12)

_Fuck you, dude. Maybe I won’t tell you my brilliant plan then._

 

**Even Kaffebrenneriet** (7.13)

_I take it back, Einstein. Tell me what’s on your genius mind._

 

**Isak Valtersen** (7.13)

_Still mocking._

 

**Even Kaffebrenneriet** (7.14)

_Please tell me, Isak._

 

**Isak Valtersen** (7.15)

_I think we should go away together. Like, really see if this is worth throwing my marriage away for._

_Nina’s going home to her parents’ on Thursday and I have two days off work miraculously. No on call or anything._

_I just… I need to know. I need to see if this is what I think it is._

 

**Even Kaffebrenneriet** (7.16)

_Okay._

 

**Isak Valtersen** (7.16)

 

_Serr?_

_If you think it’s too much…_

 

**Even Kaffebrenneriet** (7.17)

_Nei._

_I’m in._

_I have a cabin in Oslofjord. We can go there._

 

**Isak Valtersen** (7.18)

_Faen. That sounds perfect._

 

**Even Kaffebrenneriet** (7.18)

_Consider it done._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any predictions? :)


	8. Torsdag // 21. september // 22.38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's kind of felt a little back and forth with Isak. I've never been in a relationship, much more _married,_ but I imagine that it would be so hard to be in a situation like this and this is how I would see myself 'handling' it. Isak is promised to Nina, truly loves her, but at the same time is so intrigued by Even. It's like he sort of compartmentalizes his feelings. When he's with Nina, he's present and there and invested in their marriage, but when he's with Even, it's like he's completely focused on them. If that makes sense?   
>  We have one week left! But still lots of draaaaams ;)

**Torsdag // 21. september // 22.38**

 

Isak gets on the train to the cabin. He’s only been on the train for nearly ten minutes when he gets a text. 

**Nins <3 **

**Nina Valtersen** (22.38)

_Made it to my parents. Don’t be too lonely while I’m gone._

_Space is good for us right now._

 

Isak rests his head against the cool window pane and shuts his eyes, squeezing them against the wave of guilt washing over him. He knows this is what he has to do, but that doesn’t make it any less horrible. 

Eventually Isak opens his eyes again and takes a deep breath before typing a response.

**Nins <3 **

**Isak Valtersen** (22.41)

_I’m sorry._

 

Obviously Nina will think it’s about their weeks of fighting and constant arguments, but Isak selfishly uses it to apologize for his current actions that she doesn’t even know about, hoping it will absolve him from some of the guilt.

It doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for tomorrow's update - It's going to be a v long scene, as it's multiple chunks included in one. Prepare yourselves. (it will also be posted late tomorrow eveing, US time)


	9. Fredag // 22. september // 00.05-23.59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry sorry sorry this is so late! Things happen and I'm just getting a chance to post it now.   
> hope it's worth the wait ;)

**Fredag // 22. september // 00.05-23.59**

 

Isak arrived early Friday morning. He was bone tired, so when Even picked him up from the train station, he could barely make conversation. He even dozed off a bit, because it felt like only seconds later that they were stopped in the driveway, Even turning the car off. 

Even gets Isak’s bag out for him, Isak not fighting him too hard when Even insists on carrying it for him. Isak honestly would have let Even carry _him_ if he’d offered. 

Even leads them inside, and walks up the stairs quietly. Even pauses when he gets upstairs though, turning to Isak with a semi-puzzled look on his face.

“I… I wasn’t sure if you wanted your own room or…” Even says, reaching up with one hand to scratch the back of his neck. “I put out extra towels and stuff in the guest room… just in case…”

“I just need a bed, Even,” Isak says. “I’m asleep on my feet.”

Even nods, leading Isak into a room and turning on the light. “Guest room it is.”

Isak yawns and turns to Even once they’re inside the room, trying to give him a quizzical look, but probably missing by a long shot. 

“I just… I don’t want you to feel pressured,” Even says, looking down at his feet. 

“This is fine, Even,” Isak says. “I appreciate you respecting my boundaries.”

Even nods, stuffing his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “Well, good night.”

“Night,” Isak says, smiling. “I promise I’ll be more fun in the morning.”

Even laughs. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Then Even waves and leaves Isak alone to get ready for bed. 

**~*~*~**

In the morning, for the first time since Isak met Even, there’s an air of awkwardness between them. In the past, Isak had always felt warmth and excitement around Even, but now… it’s a bit tense. Isak recognizes they need to break the tension somehow, he’s just not sure how to do it. 

Isak’s just come down stairs to find Even sipping coffee in the kitchen. They make eye contact, but there’s a nervous energy between them. Isak tries to smile, but Even must pick up on how forced it is and stands up.

Even makes his way toward Isak and reaches for Isak’s hand. Isak looks up at Even as Even crowds into his space, smiling carefully at him.

“Hey, be here with me,” Even says softly. “Don’t think about anything else. Just this. Just us.”

Isak closes his eyes and breathes as Even leans in and presses his forehead to Isak’s. Even takes Isak’s other hand in his and squeezes both of them, helping ground Isak.

“I’m here. I’m here,” Isak says. 

They stay like that for a little while, breathing each other in and Isak feels more comfortable by the second. Eventually Even steps back, only holding one of Isak’s hands now and pulling him through the living room.

“Come, let’s sit outside and cuddle,” Even says, grabbing a throw blanket off the couch as they go.

**~*~*~**

Later, Isak finds himself lying against Even on one of the lounge chairs. He’s comfortable, back pressed warmly against Even’s front, legs tangled together. Isak allows his eyes to flutter closed as Even reads from the book of poetry he’s holding open in Isak’s lap. 

After Even finishes the final poem, he closes the book and traces his lips up the side of Isak’s neck. Isak hums, shifting under the blanket as Even slips a hand underneath the flannel to ghost his fingers up Isak’s thigh. 

“I want to take care of you,” Even whispers hotly against the soft skin of Isak’s neck. “You deserve to be taken care of, Isak.”

Isak whines, arching his back as Even moves his hand to cup over Isak’s crotch, squeezing gently as Isak hardens under his grip. 

“Has anyone ever taken care of you?” Even asks, fingers tracing over the line of Isak’s cock. 

“Nei,” Isak moans as Even fingers the tip of his cock over his pants. 

“Poor baby, always the one to take care of everyone else,” Even practically purrs. “Let me be the one to take care of you.” 

“Yes. Yes please,” Isak moans, reaching down to try and push his own pants down, but Even stops him.

“Ah-ah,” Even says, grabbing Isak’s wrists. “No touching. You just sit back and let me do this for you.”

Even takes Isak’s hands and places them on the armrests of the chair, pressing them in as a signal that he wants them to say there. Isak nods against Even’s shoulder. 

“Please,” Isak begs again. 

Even slips his hand into Isak’s pants and boxers, fingers grazing through the coarse hair of Isak’s groin before brushing tantalizingly slow down Isak’s length. Isak bites his lip to prevent himself from whimpering out loud. 

Even wraps his fingers around Isak, stroking him in deliciously slow pulls. Even begins kissing Isak’s neck again, gentle at first, until he starts stroking faster, then his lips begin sucking and teeth biting.

Isak closes his eyes, allowing himself to just feel - feel the heat of Even’s mouth on his neck and the warmth of his palm against his cock. For the first time in his life, Isak lets himself be completely at the mercy of another person.

Even strokes Isak faster, tongue tracing the start of a bruise on his neck. Isak would totally be embarrassed about how quickly all of this is getting to him, but he finds that he definitely does not care. 

“Ev, I’m close,” Isak whimpers. 

“Give in to me,” Even says lowly. “Let go. I’ve got you.” 

_“Even,”_ Isak groans, body tensing as he begins to come.

Even strokes him through it, free hand holding Isak’s clenching abs and running up his chest. Even traces his fingers up Isak’s throat and teases them over Isak’s lips, dipping inside his mouth as Isak moans. 

Isak sucks on Even’s fingers greedily, whining high in his throat as the aftershocks of his very intense orgasm quake through him. Even continues to work his hand over Isak under the covers until Isak nips at Even’s fingers in his mouth. 

“So good for me, baby,” Even purrs against Isak’s ear. “Thank you.”

Isak preens under the praise, though really, he should be the one thanking Even for that spectacular orgasm. Isak’s eyes are still closed, and he can feel himself drifting off to sleep. 

**~*~*~**

When Isak comes to, his shorts are dry and tacky and very uncomfortable. His mouth and throat are parched, the beers they had been sipping not promising him any relief now that they’ve gone warm from the sun. 

Isak shifts slightly, preparing to climb off Even in search of water. Even doesn’t move, breathing deep and slow. Isak smiles at him, fingers moving on their own accord to delicately brush Even’s floppy hair off his face. 

Isak gets up then moving back into the house to get a glass from the cabinet. Isak drinks an entire glassful of water, focusing on the cold sensation of it rushing down his throat instead of the creeping feeling of guilt. 

Isak’s had countless orgasms in his life, but never one that’s left him feeling so lost and confused. Isak feels the panic start to rise in him, his breathing becoming rushed and ragged, his heart pounding as his mind whirls a mile a minute. 

He’s just about worked himself into full blown panic when Even comes through the sliding door, the sound making Isak’s head jerk up.

“I thought you might have left me,” Even says lightly, joking.

Even notices Isak’s expression quickly, though, and he rushes over to him, worry clear on his face. Isak flinches away as soon as Even rounds the counter and reaches for him and it’s clear he’s hurt Even with the unthinking reflex. 

“I’m _married,”_ Isak says, voice quiet and scared. 

“I know,” Even says softly. 

Isak looks at Even, eyes wide and frightened. 

“I’m married and I just let you… I let you do that to me like it was nothing. If Nina knew… God. I can’t believe I did this to her! What was I thinking? What _am I_ thinking? I should… I should go,” Isak says, pacing as his words get more and more frantic. 

“Baby…” Even says, reaching for Isak again, but Isak bats his hand away.

“I am _not_ your baby,” Isak snaps. 

“Isak,” Even says more firmly, stepping close to Isak defiantly. “This was _your_ idea. So if you’re looking for someone to blame, I’ll happily bring you a mirror.”

Isak stares at Even incredulously. They stare at each other for a few moments, eyes fiery and neither backing down. The heat rises between them, and Isak knows if he doesn’t turn around and leave now, he’s going to regret what he lets happen next. 

But then Isak’s resolve falters and it’s like a switch was flipped inside him. 

“I… I hate myself for doing this to her,” Isak says, voice cracking as tears brim in his eyes. “I love her, but… but what I feel for you… it’s not… it’s not fucking fair.”

Even’s expression changes, too, and he opens his arms to Isak and Isak lets himself fall into them. As soon as Even wraps his strong, warm arms around Isak, he allows himself to fall apart. 

Isak’s not sure how long they stand there, Isak crying into Even’s chest and Even quietly rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings into his hair. It has to be a decent amount of time though, because by the time Isak pulls back, the sky has started to darken. 

“Take me upstairs,” Isak says, looking Even in the eye.

Even nods, taking Isak’s hand and leading him upstairs. It’s like something’s shifted in Isak. Just moments ago he was ready to walk away, but now… now he knows exactly what he wants. He wants to give himself completely to Even.

Even takes them into the Master Suite, closing the door and then watching Isak carefully. Isak smiles shyly and steps into Even’s space, lifting up to kiss him softly. 

Even inhales deeply, wrapping Isak in his arms and kissing him back, warm and forceful. Isak holds onto Even’s hips as a lifeline, grounding him. 

Even pulls back suddenly, hand coming up to cup Isak’s cheek. “What are you thinking?”

“I want you,” Isak admits, teeth catching on his bottom lip.

“What happened to not wanting to be with me like this?” Even says, referencing Isak’s words from earlier that week.

“I just… I need to know what it would be like,” Isak says, lifting his arms for Even to remove his shirt. 

Even hesitates, but Isak just nods reassuringly to him. Even nods back, reaching for Isak’s shirt and pulling it over his head. Even slowly undresses Isak until he’s in his boxers and Isak climbs on the bed, leaving Even to take care of his own clothing. 

Even joins Isak on the bed, climbing on top of him and caging him against the mattress. Isak reaches for Even, pulling him into a kiss, tongues meeting immediately. 

They kiss messily, greedily, for a while until Even’s hips meet Isak’s and he begins grinding against him. Isak wraps his legs around Even’s hips, meeting his thrusts.

Soon Isak is gasping into Even’s mouth and Even relents, lifting up to look at Isak. “What do you want? Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you. Anything you want, baby.”

Even caresses Isak’s face as he speaks, Isak watching Even’s lips move in awe and he knows he wants to see what those lips would be like other places. 

“Prep me,” Isak says, letting his legs fall back on the mattress, spread wide. 

“Jesus, Is,” Even says, diving in to nuzzle Isak’s neck. “You’ll be the death of me.”

“Just don’t die before getting inside me, please,” Isak says, whimpering when Even bites his neck harshly. 

“Fuck, Isak. You can’t talk like that,” Even groans, tongue licking a stripe up the side of Isak’s neck, fingers gripping Isak’s chin to give him better access. 

“Then just get on with it already,” Isak says, rolling his eyes, though shivering from Even’s minstrations. 

Even grins and reaches down to yank down Isak’s boxers. Even lifts up onto his knees and pulls Isak’s boxers all the way off, then settles himself on his stomach in between Isak’s thighs. Isak bites his lip as Even grips Isak’s cock and presses his lips to the tip, giving it a kiss. 

“I want to worship you,” Even says, breath fanning over Isak’s cock, making him shiver. 

Isak whimpers and watches Even carefully as Even wraps his mouth around his cock, expertly taking him down his throat. Even bobs his head a few times, working up a steady rhythm as Isak starts moaning louder. 

Even pulls off after a particularly loud moan and says, “Lube’s in the drawer. Get it for me so I can start opening you up.”

Isak nods and rolls to reach for the bedside table. Even wipes his mouth as Even gets the lube. Isak closes the drawer and lifts up to hand Even the bottle before settling back on the mattress and bending his legs at the knee. 

“Have you…” Even asks, trailing off as he opens the bottle and pours some out on his fingers. 

Isak just nods, sucking his lips into his mouth and waiting for Even to begin. Even traces his fingers over Isak’s rim, lubed fingers slipping over the clenching rim. 

Even opens Isak up carefully and meticulously, like every minute movement is thought out and done with absolute care. Isak basks in the attention.

Once Even is three fingers deep, curling them expertly into Isak’s prostate every time he pushes them in, Isak begs for reprieve. Even pulls his fingers out, wiping the excess lube on the covers and then moves to open the bedside table. 

“Do we need one?” Isak asks shyly as Even fishes out a condom. 

Even turns to look at Isak licking his lips. “If you trust me when I say I’m clean, I suppose not.”

“I trust you,” Isak nods. 

Even drops the condom back in the drawer and settles himself back between Isak’s knees. “Is this okay?”

Even holds himself over Even, and Isak assumes he’s asking about the position. Isak nods, hands rubbing up Even’s shoulders. Even’s just about to make his initial press in when Isak stops him.

“Ev, wait,” Isak breathes, breathing quick and gaspy. “It’s just… be gentle.”

“I have you, Isak,” Even reassures him, petting a hand over Isak’s hair. “I’m going to take care of you.”

“I trust you,” Isak says, nodding and pulling Even’s face to his, brushing their lips together. “I’m ready.”

Even presses his lips to Isak’s one more time, tongue slipping out and teasing Isak’s lips, distracting him as he finally enters Isak. 

The initial intrusion is overwhelming. Isak’s mouth falls open and his body tenses, fingers clenching in Even’s hair. Even freezes, only halfway in and pets his hands over Isak’s cheeks. 

“Shh,” Even calms him, peppering Isak’s face with kisses. “Stay with me. Breathe.”

“It’s just… it’s so intense. Jesus,” Isak breathes. 

“Let me know when you’re ready,” Even says. “Just keep breathing. Focus on me.”

Isak keeps his eyes on Even, matching his breaths with Even as they continue to lock eyes. Even smiles and pushes Isak’s curls from his face and then breaks their eye contact to press an innocent kiss to Isak’s lips. 

“I’m good,” Isak says. “Continue, please.”

“So polite,” Even says with a smirk. “As you wish.”

Even rolls his hips, pushing all the way in, making Isak moan and tense again. Even holds still, watching Isak carefully. Isak nods after a second, his silent way to tell Even to go on, so he does. 

It’s quick after that, the way Even takes Isak apart. Isak tries to hold onto each moment, tries to sear each touch and image of Even into his memory, but the intensity swallows him whole and he gives himself over to Even completely. 

“You’re so perfect, Isak,” Even moans against Isak’s ear, hot breath fanning over Isak’s neck. “I’ll give you anything you want.”

Isak throws his head back, moaning loudly before he meets Even’s gaze and whispers, “Then make me come.”

“Fuck, Is,” Even curses, burying his face in Isak’s neck and biting the soft skin there. “Anything.”

Even lifts up and doubles his efforts, holding Isak’s gaze the entire time. Isak feels frozen under Even’s intense stare, but in a good way. He feels special. 

When Isak’s orgasm hits him, it feels like a fucking steam engine. Isak’s pretty sure he blacks out for a bit, because when he comes to, Even’s come inside him already, and is cleaning him up, wet cloth pressed between his cheeks. 

Afterwards, Isak lays on his stomach facing Even, and they watch each other with soft smiles. Isak feels like they’re in their own little bubble, safe and happy.

“You’re so beautiful,” Even whispers, fingers brushing through Isak’s curls falling on his forehead. 

Isak blushes, sliding his face deeper into the pillow. Even _giggles_ and rubs Isak’s shoulder, making Isak peak back at him, smiling shyly. 

“Do you… remember when I told you about dropping out of school?” Even asks, suddenly more serious. 

Isak nods and smiles when Even’s finger brushes against Isak’s lip. 

“I… I’m bipolar,” Even says. “I was diagnosed when I was seventeen. I have it under control now, but when I was at Uni, I thought I was doing well and decided to go off my meds. It didn’t… end well. I don’t need to share the details, but… I just… it was a lot. I took time off to get myself back on track and to get… stable again.” 

“I don’t… I don’t know what to say…“ Isak says, watching the way Even’s eyes look far off as he shares this. 

“You don’t have to say anything, baby,” Even says, focusing on Isak again. “I just wanted to be open with you. You matter to me so I want you to know important things about me.”

Isak smiles, but he starts to feel a little bit of panic rising up. Isak tampers it down, though, because he knows he needs to be accepting and here for Even in this moment. 

As they start to fall asleep, Isak starts to feel like it’s all too much and he’s getting in way too deep. It’s not that Even’s bipolar, it’s that he shared something so intimate with Isak, showed him all this blind trust. 

The panic continues to rise and build and fester until Isak knows he needs to get out. He stares at the ceiling and tries to control his breathing while he listens for Even to fall asleep, so he can escape. 

Once Isak hears Even’s breathing even out, he slips out of bed and does just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well...fuck.
> 
> I really would like to hear what everyone is thinking/feeling after all that!
> 
> remember, there's still a week left... but it's going to be a little painful for a while.


End file.
